my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
