STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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