Don't you send me to vm
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
