i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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