what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
