I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This is classic penis vs brain.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
