Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have fence marks all over my body
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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