He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
