I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
