Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
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If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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