Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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