He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
