He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
