OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
