Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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