Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
