your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Me too!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
