you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
