I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
