I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she peed on how many people?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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