we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
