This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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