It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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