My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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