Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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