he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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