You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
