At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
