i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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