Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
