I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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