take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Is it because I queefed?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
