I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
