Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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