i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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