even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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