DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
