You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
