So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
