The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
