If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
