The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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