Christians are straight up FREAKS
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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