Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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