Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
