great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
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Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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