i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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