saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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