Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
