I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she told me i tasted like america
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
