youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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