you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
