I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
