The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
