I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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