My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
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After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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