Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
