We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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