i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize