can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize