Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
