Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
