To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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