She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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